| Achievement | How to unlock | Points
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| - You achieved a perfect 4-star average in level 10!
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| - You achieved a perfect 4-star average in level 11!
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| - You achieved a perfect 4-star average in level 2!
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| - You achieved a perfect 4-star average in level 3!
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| - You achieved a perfect 4-star average in level 4!
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| - You achieved a perfect 4-star average in level 5!
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| - You achieved a perfect 4-star average in level 6!
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| - You achieved a perfect 4-star average in level 8!
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| - You achieved a perfect 4-star average in level 9!
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| - You helped convince the princess to choose Kargan and ally with Marvagh.
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| - You helped convince the princess to choose Finius and ally with Petrard.
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| - Your actions led to Gary turning to the dark side.
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| - Your draft choices led to victory in the aerial battle!
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| - Your draft choices led to victory in the land battle!
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| - Your draft choices led to victory in the naval battle!
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| - You found the birthday girl and gave her a present! Whoo!
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| - Planned a perfect Petrardian party!
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| - Manifested a magnificent Marvagh matrimony!
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| - You were visited by the ghost King Oswin! And heard some Shakespeare!
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| - Your choices have led to the best ending, with the Sprawl repelling the invading army!
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- Got the second best ending!
| - Your choices have led to the second best ending, with the Sprawl failing to repel the invading army.
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| - Chose the mage Articulus Flamehands to rescue the princess.
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| - You defeated Tyronius before he could use the chronometer once! (Is this your second playthrough?)
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| - You are either very smart or very lucky: all of the contestants survived!
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- Oh my god, you killed Lil! You...
| - You encountered the first of many landmines in Lil' Guardsman. Good job!
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| - You encouraged Beverley to embark upon a perilous quest!
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| - Chose the thief Perry Shoutson to rescue the princess.
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| - Your draft choices led to victory in the every battle!
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| - Your incessant calls to Malcolm led to a terrible curse taking hold. Quack!
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| - You heard Lil say triple barf to a visiting head of state!
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| - You vaporized goblinball legend Saruna Goodfoot!
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- Villain Speech: Blood on your hands!
| - Your choices led to hearing Tyronius' speech blaming you for all the terrible things that happened!
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- Villain Speech: Petrardians Purlin Power Cry
| - Your choices led to hearing Tyronius' speech involving Petrardian forces taking the digsite.
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- Villain Speech: Smaggle Slaves!
| - Your choices led to hearing Tyronius' speech involving smaggle slaves.
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- Villian Speech: Economics: 101!
| - Your choices led to hearing Tyronius' speech about economics. WTF?
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| - Chose the warrior Neil Warkiller to rescue the princess.
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| - Witness the entire wedding ceremony without objecting.
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| - Your actions prevented Gary from turning to the dark side.
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