| Achievement | How to unlock
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| - Learn the Lidl safe combination.
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| - Complete any level and its heist on Dark Souls mode.
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| - Play as Daffyd for the first time.
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| - Make 100 consecutive left turns in SuperSnake.
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| - Destroy the sixth piece of evidence.
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| - Listen to all the radio stations.
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- Hello, my name is Kenneth.
| - Met Kenneth, the manager of Lidl, Swidon!
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| - Destroy the third piece of evidence.
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| - Get caught with only one piece of evidence left to destroy.
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| - Complete the tour of the M4 corridor.
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| - Destroy the fifth piece of evidence.
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| - Destroy all the scenery in the Lidl Car Park.
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| - Destroy the fourteenth piece of evidence.
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| - All this counting is boring.
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| - Die as David Cameron 5 times in the same game.
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| - Unlock all achievements (including this one).
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| - Complete London without dying.
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| - Kill all the campers before picking up the soap.
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| - Dies as David Cameron another 5 times in the same game.
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| - Destroy the first piece of evidence.
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| - Destroy the second piece of evidence.
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- Something from the Salad Bar
| - Get sliced by the harvester.
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| - Destroy the... fourteenth piece of evidence?
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| - Hit the Shagging Campers from the top.
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| - Play as David for the first time.
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| - Cross the Thames 50 times without crashing.
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| - Definitely destroy the fourteenth piece of evidence.
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| - Crash into the lake when the body is floating.
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| - Crash into Big Ben while it is chiming.
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| - Crash into the London Eye while it is spinning fast.
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| - Visit the options screen.
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| - Destroy the fourth piece of evidence.
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| - In the London Heist crash into any four of the portaits on the walls.
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| - Play as Darren for the first time.
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