| Achievement | How to unlock
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| A Flaw in the System | Learn the Lidl safe combination.
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| Beyond the Possible | Complete any level and its heist on Dark Souls mode.
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| Big Deal | Complete Swindon.
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| Cael Oddi Fy Tir | Play as Daffyd for the first time.
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| Comm Plete Wy Als Lev Al | Complete Wales.
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| Communist Leanings. | Make 100 consecutive left turns in SuperSnake.
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| Find and F*** Up | Destroy the sixth piece of evidence.
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| GaGa | Listen to all the radio stations.
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| Great Traffic Adventure | Complete the Game.
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| Hello, my name is Kenneth. | Met Kenneth, the manager of Lidl, Swidon!
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| Hunt and Kill | Destroy the third piece of evidence.
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| Jimmy Carr's Accountant | Get caught with only one piece of evidence left to destroy.
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| Know Your Enemy | Complete the tour of the M4 corridor.
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| Locate and Ruin | Destroy the fifth piece of evidence.
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| Mindless Destruction | Destroy all the scenery in the Lidl Car Park.
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| Now Then, Where Were We? | Destroy the fourteenth piece of evidence.
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| Oh I Give Up | All this counting is boring.
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| Once For Each Year | Die as David Cameron 5 times in the same game.
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| Paradox | Unlock all achievements (including this one).
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| Practice Makes Perfect | Complete London without dying.
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| Prison Rules Apply | Kill all the campers before picking up the soap.
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| ReElection Special | Dies as David Cameron another 5 times in the same game.
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| Search and Destroy | Destroy the first piece of evidence.
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| Seek and Eliminate | Destroy the second piece of evidence.
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| Something from the Salad Bar | Get sliced by the harvester.
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| Sorry, Went For a Cuppa | Destroy the... fourteenth piece of evidence?
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| Splat the Rat | You splat the rat.
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| Spud-U-Like | Listen to entire rap.
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| Taking it From Behind | Hit the Shagging Campers from the top.
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| Tally Ho! | Play as David for the first time.
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| Thamesting Fate | Cross the Thames 50 times without crashing.
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| That Can't Be Right | Definitely destroy the fourteenth piece of evidence.
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| The Ex-Wife | Crash into the lake when the body is floating.
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| Total Clock Up | Crash into Big Ben while it is chiming.
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| Turn an Eye Blind | Crash into the London Eye while it is spinning fast.
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| Twiddling the Bits | Visit the options screen.
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| Uncover and Cover Up | Destroy the fourth piece of evidence.
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| Who Are These Guys!? | In the London Heist crash into any four of the portaits on the walls.
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| Wot u lookin at | Play as Darren for the first time.
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