| Achievement | How to unlock
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| - You're in space, apparently. Or at least, you were? (Secret)
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| - Observed cultists. (Secret)
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| - Finished HIVESWAP: ACT 1. (Secret)
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| - Picked up where you'll leave off.
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| - Finished HIVESWAP: ACT 1 with power to spare. (Secret)
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| - Held out for Bent Soup. (Secret)
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| - Acquired feathery doofus. (Secret)
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| - Spelled it right. (Secret)
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| - Made an unexpected ally. (Secret)
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- HEAL THE DEERCAT. BE THE RIDER.
| - Rode an unexpected ally. (Secret)
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| - Took a ballet lesson from an unorthodox source. (Secret)
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| - Named your lusii. (Secret)
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| - Ventured out into the hallway. (Secret)
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| - Made it to the living room...but at what cost? (Secret)
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| - Gave Byers a full check-up. (Secret)
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| - Got your flashlight in working order. (Secret)
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| - No? How about this one? (Secret)
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- MELODIOUS CHIRPS AND TONGUE-CLICKS
| - Revealed your true nature. (Secret)
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| - The batteries are yours, and you're keeping them. (Secret)
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- NOW WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE
| - But seriously what in the hell is going on in here (Secret)
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- OVER? BUT WE JUST STARTED!
| - Checked in with Jude. (Secret)
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- PERIOD-APPROPRIATE REFERENCES
| - This game is set in 1994. (Secret)
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| - Refreshed your memory. (Secret)
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| - Put the Grubble in rubble. (Secret)
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| - Bypassed security. (Secret)
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| - Tried to get ahead of the game. (Secret)
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- SERIOUSLY, DON'T EAT THE MUMMY.
| - What is WRONG with you? (Secret)
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- SIGNATURE STYLE AND FLARE
| - Flare: yes. Style: questionable. (Secret)
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| - Won your first STRIFE. (Secret)
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- SURELY HE HAS SOME ADDITIONAL PURPOSE
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| - Alas, Curses, and/or Farewell, as the case may be. (Secret)
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| - Tried to treat the taxidermied. (Secret)
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| - Sent Joey what she needs. (Secret)
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| - Got those treats. (Secret)
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| - Gave Byers some very important character development. (Secret)
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| - Tried to trash the POGS. (Secret)
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| - Seriously--who locks their attic? (Secret)
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