| Achievement | How to unlock
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| ACCIDENTAL ASTRONAUT | You're in space, apparently. Or at least, you were? (Secret)
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| ACTIVITY RECORDED | Observed cultists. (Secret)
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| BATTER LUCK NEXT TIME | Finished HIVESWAP: ACT 1. (Secret)
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| BIRDGEONING TALENT | Carried a tune. (Secret)
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| BOROS | Picked up where you'll leave off.
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| CELL YOU LATER | Finished HIVESWAP: ACT 1 with power to spare. (Secret)
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| CONVEXED | Held out for Bent Soup. (Secret)
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| DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM | Please. (Secret)
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| FEATHERY DOOFUS ACQUIRED | Acquired feathery doofus. (Secret)
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| G R U B B _ _ S | Spelled it right. (Secret)
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| GOOD DEER. BEAST FRIEND. | Made an unexpected ally. (Secret)
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| HEAL THE DEERCAT. BE THE RIDER. | Rode an unexpected ally. (Secret)
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| HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL | Took a ballet lesson from an unorthodox source. (Secret)
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| INSUFFERABLE ZOOSMELL | Named your lusii. (Secret)
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| IT WASN'T LOCKED | Ventured out into the hallway. (Secret)
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| IT'S A LIVING | Made it to the living room...but at what cost? (Secret)
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| JUNIOR VETERINARIAN | Gave Byers a full check-up. (Secret)
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| LET THE RUMPUS COMMENCE | Was Xefros. (Secret)
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| LIGHT WEAPONRY | Got your flashlight in working order. (Secret)
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| MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE? | No? How about this one? (Secret)
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| MELODIOUS CHIRPS AND TONGUE-CLICKS | Revealed your true nature. (Secret)
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| NA NA NA NA, HEY YOU | Was Jude. (Secret)
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| NO. THEY'RE YOURS NOW | The batteries are yours, and you're keeping them. (Secret)
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| NOW WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE | But seriously what in the hell is going on in here (Secret)
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| OVER? BUT WE JUST STARTED! | Checked in with Jude. (Secret)
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| PERIOD-APPROPRIATE REFERENCES | This game is set in 1994. (Secret)
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| PLAYING WITH POWER | Refreshed your memory. (Secret)
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| RED AND GREEN HERRING | Overthought it. (Secret)
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| RUBBLE LEADER | Put the Grubble in rubble. (Secret)
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| S E R P E N T | Bypassed security. (Secret)
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| SAVE XEFROS | Saved Xefros. (Secret)
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| SEQUENCE BREAKER | Tried to get ahead of the game. (Secret)
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| SERIOUSLY, DON'T EAT THE MUMMY. | What is WRONG with you? (Secret)
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| SIGNATURE STYLE AND FLARE | Flare: yes. Style: questionable. (Secret)
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| STEP UP | Won your first STRIFE. (Secret)
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| SURELY HE HAS SOME ADDITIONAL PURPOSE | Nope. (Secret)
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| THAT'S YOUR CUE | Geared up. (Secret)
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| THE LONG GONEBIRDS | Alas, Curses, and/or Farewell, as the case may be. (Secret)
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| THEY'RE STUFFED | Tried to treat the taxidermied. (Secret)
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| THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM | Sent Joey what she needs. (Secret)
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| TREAT TIME | Got those treats. (Secret)
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| VENT FRUSTRATION | Gave Byers some very important character development. (Secret)
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| WHERE THEY BELONG | Tried to trash the POGS. (Secret)
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| WHY'S IT EVEN LOCKED | Seriously--who locks their attic? (Secret)
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