| Achievement | How to unlock
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| - Unlock all upgrades, view all endings, find all the vinyls, and collect all the crowns in the game.
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- Bedside Manner (15 points)
| - Had a long conversation with your upgrade station S.T.A.B.I.L.E
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| - Beat the game without buying a single upgrade.
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- Butterfingers (15 points)
| - As a result of being defeated, dropped a princess.
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| - Beat Dash in Insektia without taking any damage.
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- Chatty Cathys (15 points)
| - See all the dialogue scenes in Heartless Abyss.
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| - Found the hidden monster at the villain museum.
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- Combustalicious (15 points)
| - Defeat 50 enemies with grenades.
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| - Activate the Doom Howitzer.
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| - Honored the terms of your dark pact with Kaptain Man.
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- Do Not Pass Go (15 points)
| - Put Dr. Cackle under arrest.
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- Existential Terror (15 points)
| - Contemplate the true form of princess Farrah.
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- Farrahs For Days (15 points)
| - Find and rescue Farrah's brothers.
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- Feeling Motivated! (15 points)
| - Listened to the heroes entire motivational speech at Bramble flats.
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- Feeling Punchy (15 points)
| - Defeat 20 enemies with punches.
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| - Give princess Mayapple a good advice.
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| - Defeat 20 enemies with grenades.
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- Harbinger Of Doom (15 points)
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| - Read all 16 terminals in Adept Co. and discover who funded the sinister organization.
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- Jerk With a Heart of Gold (15 points)
| - Do not activate the Doom Howitzer.
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| - Find all the crowns in the game.
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- Leap Of Faith (15 points)
| - Get the first crown in Sukochi.
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- Lineage of Tyranny (15 points)
| - Read all of the portrait descriptions of Crow's Lineage in his wing at the Villain Museum.
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| - Defeat the Treble Rangers at the Villain Museum.
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- Office Romance (15 points)
| - Get chosen by Becky in the dating show.
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- Oh, The Huge Manatee! (15 points)
| - Defeat 100 enemies with grenades.
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- Punchmageddon (15 points)
| - Defeat 100 enemies with punches.
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- Punchsplosion! (15 points)
| - Defeat 50 enemies with punches.
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| - Counting any amount spent, gather a grand total of 10,000 lucre.
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| - Complete Rattletrack Rails without dying.
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- Stick and Move (30 points)
| - Defeat Guryon in Winterdown without getting hit once.
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- Stop Hitting Yourself! Stop Hitting Yourself (15 points)
| - Destroy the swat van with one of it's own bazooka blasts.
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- Talk to the Hand (30 points)
| - Defeat Mack at Adept Co. without getting hit once.
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- Technological Superiority (30 points)
| - Beat Dash, Guryon and the 8-bit heroes without dying or taking damage at the Bramble Flats.
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- The Dating Game (15 points)
| - Participate in the dating game.
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- The Purple Pauper (65 points)
| - Beat the game having collected less than 1,000 lucre.
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- The True Mastermind (90 points)
| - Achieve S-Ranks on all stages.
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| - Defeat Mechano using only his own missiles.
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- Up close and personal (15 points)
| - Beat any stage by only punching, without firing a single long ranged weapon.
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| - Unlock all the music for the Jukebox.
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| - Buy every upgrade in the upgrade shop.
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- What You Always Wanted (15 points)
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