| Achievement | How to unlock
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| - You accepted your fate and chose the name Douchebag yourself.
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| - You've farted on animals 25 times.
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| - You found Jesus while playing as a Jew.
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| - You defeated 20 enemies using Cartman's Ass.
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| - You defeated 3 enemies in one battle while your buddy was knocked out.
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| - You've farted on people 100 times.
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| - You collected 15 Chinpokomon.
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| - You collected all of the Chinpokomon.
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| - You've collected all of the available costumes.
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| - You befriended your father.
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| - You defeated the Boss Hall Monitor while wearing freckles.
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| - You've farted on a dog while in gnome form.
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| - You knocked out 3 or more enemies with a single fart outside of battle.
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| - You defeated the Grand Wizard Cartman in battle.
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| - You defeated Princess Kenny while looking like David Hasselhoff.
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| - You completed your first day in South Park.
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| - You completed the game without selling any items.
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- Friends in Strange Places
| - You befriended both crab people and gnomes.
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| - You own all the weapons and costumes available in the game.
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| - Gingers have bitten you 3 times without you blocking.
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| - You defeated the Meth Tweekers while wearing the Evil Cartman goatee and bald cap.
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| - While inside Mr. Slave, you summoned Mr. Slave.
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| - You shit your pants during a boss battle.
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| - You've farted on every buddy in the game.
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| - You defeated the High Jew Elf Kyle in battle.
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| - You flung a turd of your own creation at an enemy.
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| - You've unlocked all of the upgrades for a New Kid ability.
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| - You made friends with half of South Park.
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- More Popular Than John Lennon
| - Everyone in South Park is your friend.
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| - You completed the game and never ended a battle with your buddy knocked out.
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| - You befriended the Goths, like everyone else playing this game.
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| - You defeated Princess Kenny while living with Dire AIDS.
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| - You opened all of the garages in South Park.
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| - You watched your parents have sex for 60 seconds.
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| - You collected 5 Chinpokomon.
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| - In three separate battles, you've taken a shit in your pants.
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| - You interrupted 5 channel attacks by using a fart.
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| - You have collected half of the available costume sets.
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| - You successfully blocked every enemy attack in a single (non-tutorial) battle.
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| - Over the course of the game, you've blocked 100 attacks.
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| - You farted on 10 enemies in the world that were knocked out.
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| - You defeated Princess Kenny and recovered the Stick of Truth.
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| - You farted on the corpse of an aborted Nazi Zombie fetus.
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| - You farted on four major authority figures.
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| - You defeated Princess Kenny in your girl makeover disguise.
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| - Over the course of the game, you've scored 100 perfect attacks.
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| - You've let Kenny die in combat 10 times over the course of the game.
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