| Achievement | How to unlock
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| - Drink your very first grog.
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- AHHHHHH.....I'M ON FIRE!!!
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- Another one bites the iron
| - Kill an enemy using metal bars.
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| - Get your very first lethal weapon.
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- Better safe than sorry - use protection
| - Get full protection when Level Up.
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| - Kill a Grenadier with your bare hands.
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| - Kill your first Sven-Olof.
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| - Get full agility when Level Up.
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| - Blow up yourself and an enemy with a dynamite barrel.
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| - Find the marvelous Chickenator.
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| - Make the Bard play another song while you are drunk.
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| - Kill yourself with metal bars.
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| - Kill the clown in the sewers.
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| - Find and buy the HoverCraft 2500.
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- I drink, but I'm not a drunk!
| - Have three grogs in total.
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- I like you... but I have to kill you...
| - Kill your first Orc Warmaiden.
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| - Get full luck when Level Up.
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- I'm going to get a concussion
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| - Get full strength when Level Up.
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| - Make the Bard play another song.
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| - Kill your first Orc Noob.
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- Make Love not War-Craft a Mistlefoe
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| - Kill your first Fungoid Bob.
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- My name is Whoopass, SIR Whoopass!
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- My pants squeak when I walk
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| - Read a book from a bookshelf.
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- No... No... No... that was not meant for you... yet!
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| - Kill your first Orc Hipster.
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- Okay... Maybe I'm a bit drunk...
| - Drink five large grogs at the same time.
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| - Visit a place you shouldn't actually visit.
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| - Eat your first grilled chicken.
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- Rolling, Rolling, Rolling
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| - Collect at least hundred eggs.
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| - Kill your first Grumpy Worm.
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| - Kill your first Skelton warrior.
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| - Buy a surpise from Melisande.
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- Tastes just like chicken!
| - Eat your first Garden Gnome.
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| - Live out your cowboy dreams and make a triple-shot.
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- You are no match for me, Billy!
| - Kill your first Billy Bob.
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| - Kill your first Shotgun Knight.
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- You're not going to blow me up!
| - Kill you first Grenadier.
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- You're not so Big anymore, Boi!
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- Your daily dose of Vitamin C
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