| Achievement | How to unlock
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- And this is how I met him...
| - Pants down best looking guy in town!
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- Awww, you didn't have to!
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- BRB, gotta catch the train!
| - It's a bullet-time-train!
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- Beat dude with another dude!
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| - He knows all the solutions!
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- DJs don't stage dive, you maniac!
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| - It's actually quicker this way too.
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- Do you have a spare asteroid?
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| - The food belongs to the colony!
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| - Ahh, will they ever be together?
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| - And worth it sometimes too!
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- I can't believe you've done that!
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- I command this caterpillar!
| - Go and search for fake money!
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| - It's the language of my people!
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- Imma just hide in the corner
| - Wait for this to blow over.
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| - Gotta make sure it smells like it!
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- Keep your feet on the ground!
| - Or are you burnt out already?
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| - That bomb didn't do anything bad (yet!)
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| - Like that one roommate who always opens the window!
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- Manual trasmission chopper!
| - They don't make them like they used to!
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- Mom, I'm not a fish anymore!
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| - Pushy car, pushy car! Push it all around!
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| - And worst of all, I'm late for work!
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- Now that's a danger noodle
| - With a case of nuclear munchies!
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| - Peeing upside down since 2012!
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| - Wait, that's not what it's called!
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| - It will bring upon destruction!
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- Take care of your eyeballs!
| - Unless you have eyeballs of steel!
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- Take this on your way down!
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| - At least you got an achievement, tho.
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- The bar for this dive was high!
| - It was a high dive bar to overcome!
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- The birth of a salary man
| - Born to work (aren't we all?)
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- The funniest joke in the world
| - It even tells you when to laugh!
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| - You have found all gags in the world!
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| - Feels like the end of the world.
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- What I always wanted to be when I grow up!
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- Why did you pick this up?
| - You know what this is, right?
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| - This is the correct thing to do.
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| - Can I get a retweet for this?
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- You got hit by a smooth golden bar!
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- You have a right to remain silent!
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- You won't make it back in time
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