| Achievement | How to unlock
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| Acceptance (15 points) | You accepted your fate and chose the name Douchebag yourself.
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| Elven Hero (30 points) | You defeated the Grand Wizard Cartman in battle.
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| Face Hoff (15 points) | You defeated Princess Kenny while looking like David Hasselhoff.
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| Inside Joke (15 points) | While inside Mr. Slave, you summoned Mr. Slave.
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| KKK Hero (30 points) | You defeated the High Jew Elf Kyle in battle.
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| Nonconformist (15 points) | You befriended the Goths, like everyone else playing this game.
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| Outpatient (15 points) | You defeated Princess Kenny while living with Dire AIDS.
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| Perverted (15 points) | You watched your parents have sex for 60 seconds.
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| Stick Savior (25 points) | You defeated Princess Kenny and recovered the Stick of Truth.
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| Too Far (15 points) | You farted on the corpse of an aborted Nazi Zombie fetus.
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| Two Girls, One Stick (15 points) | You defeated Princess Kenny in your girl makeover disguise.
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| Achievement | How to unlock
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|---|
| Animal Cruelty (15 points) | Fart on animals 25 times.
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| Are We Cool? (15 points) | Find Jesus while playing as a Jew.
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| Ass of Fire (15 points) | Kill 20 enemies with Cartman's ass.
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| Avenger (15 points) | Defeat at least 3 enemies in one battle while your buddy is unconscious.
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| Canadian Handshake (15 points) | Fart on people 100 times
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| Chinpoko loco (30 points) | Collect 15 Chinpokomon.
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| Chinpokolypse (75 points) | Collect all the Chinpokomon.
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| Clothes Whore (75 points) | Complete all available Costume Sets.
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| Daddy Issues (15 points) | Befriend your Dad.
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| Day Walker (15 points) | Defeat the Boss Hall Monitor while wearing freckles.
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| Dog Whistle (15 points) | Fart on a canine enemy while in Gnome form.
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| Dragon Wrath (15 points) | Hit 3 enemies with a single fart outside of combat.
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| First Day in South Park (15 points) | Spend one day in South Park.
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| For the Hoarder (15 points) | Sell nothing the entire game.
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| Friends in Strange Places (15 points) | Befriend Crab People and Underpants Gnomes.
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| Full Arsenal (15 points) | Collect all the weapons and costumes available in the game.
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| Gingivitis (15 points) | Let Gingers bite you 3 times without blocking.
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| Heisenberg (15 points) | Defeat the Meth Tweekers while wearing the Evil Cartman goatee and the bald cap.
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| Irritable Bowels (15 points) | Shit your pants during a boss battle.
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| Junk Peddler (15 points) | Sell 300 junk items.
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| Just Saying Hi (15 points) | Fart on each available buddy in the game.
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| Made This for You (15 points) | Fling a turd that you created at an enemy in combat.
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| Make it Rain! (15 points) | Spend $500.
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| Mastery (15 points) | Unlock all the upgrades for one of the New Kid's abilities.
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| More Popular Than Jesus (30 points) | Befriend Half of South Park.
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| New Kid On The Block (15 points) | Join the KKK.
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| No Child Left Behind (15 points) | Complete the game without ever ending a combat with a buddy knocked out.
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| Parkeologist (15 points) | Open all garages in South Park.
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| Poco Chinpoko (15 points) | Collect 5 Chinpokomon.
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| Pulling Mud (15 points) | Shit Your Pants in battle three times.
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| Re-Buttal (15 points) | Interrupt 5 channel attacks with a fart.
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| Shopaholic (15 points) | Complete half of the available costume sets.
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| Shutout (15 points) | Successfully block every enemy attack in a single, non-tutorial battle.
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| Skilled Defender (15 points) | Block 100 attacks.
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| Stay Down (15 points) | Fart on 10 enemies in the world when they're knocked out.
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| Truth to Power (15 points) | Fart on the Mayor, Father Maxi, Principal Vic, & Prime Minister.
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| Weapon Proficiency (15 points) | Score 100 perfect attacks.
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| You bastards! (15 points) | Have Kenny Die 10 times in battle over the course of the game.
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