| Trophy | How to unlock | Type
|
|---|
| A NEW DIRECTION | Learn to see the world from different angles. | Gold
|
| ATROPHY | You are so good. You are so special. | Platinum
|
| BEAKING NEWS | Keep up to date with Jeremy Eagle. | Gold
|
| COME ON AND SLAM | Hit a three-pointer using Clovis' basketball. | Gold
|
| GATE JOB | Earn the friendship of the gatekeeper. | Gold
|
| GRATE JOB | Kill Flute Guy once and for all. | Gold
|
| MANDVCARE STERCORE | Do what has to be done to summon Our Dark Lord Satan. | Gold
|
| PLAY ACCOUNTING+ | Get very deep into the numbers. | Gold
|
| SO HOW WE DOING THERE?! | Defeat The Final Boss. | Gold
|
| THE JOE FINEGOLD ACHIEVEMENT AWARD | Throw the brick at exactly the right moment. | Gold
|
| THE REGGIE WATTS ACHIEVEMENT AWARD | Find the end of the end of the end of the game. | Gold
|
| TROPHY FM | Tune into our show! | Gold
|