| Achievement | How to unlock
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|---|
| Bronze Stopwatch | Defeat Satan in under 45 Minutes.
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| Chuul | Bested the Stranded Chuul.
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| Commando | Bested the foremost combat expert in the Reich.
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| Crossfit Satan | You've bested Crossfit Satan! I wonder if he was the mastermind of your curse?
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| Developer | Accessed developer Area.
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| Finished | You beat the game!
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| FireBurp | Bested the circus trained SS Officer.
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| Foreman | Bested the Acursed Foreman.
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| Golden Stopwatch | Defeat Satan in under 25 Minutes.
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| JellyCube | Bested the lvl two dwarven fighter's worst nightmare.
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| NormalDeer | Bested that totally normal and not at all weird deer.
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| Phleshy | Bested Phleshy, the Flesh Golem.
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| Rat King | Bested Charlie the Rat King.
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| Reached Forest | Uncovered the unnatural, subterranean Forest.
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| Reached Hell | Broke the seal, and stepped into Hell.
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| Reached Mines | Uncovered the Cursed Mines.
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| Reached Ruins | Uncovered the Arcane Ruins.
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| Rescued Clero | Rescued the Diesel-Punk combat drone.
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| Rescued Hitman | Rescued the squad Projectile Trajectory Expert.
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| Rescued Lost Soul | Rescued a loose soul, cursed to wait in the dirt for all eternity.
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| Rescued Medic | Rescued the squad People-Fixer.
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| Rescued Nader | Rescued designated Boom Expert.
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| Rescued Priest | Rescued the squad Minister.
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| Rescued Shotgun Surgeon | Rescued the fabled Shrinking Shotgun Surgeon.
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| Rescued Soldier | Rescued the squad Trigger Finger.
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| Rescued TrayTor | Rescued the squad Judas.
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| Rescued Vampire | Rescued the squad designated Blood Sucker.
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| Silver Stopwatch | Defeat Satan in under 35 Minutes.
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| StrikeLead Falk | Bested the tallest hairdo in all the Axis Powers.
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| Tree Fellow | Bested the speaker for the trees, who was silenced long ago.
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| Wurm | Bested the writhing Wurm of the deep.
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