| Achievement | How to unlock
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| #YOLO #JK #LOL #SWAG | Die for the first time.
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| 1 On 1 | Beat General Darian in 3 Minutes.
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| Aaron the Porridge Baron | Eat 3 porridge bowls in 5 seconds.
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| ATGM | Kill an enemy while under the effects of a jump-pad.
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| Beaglefaaaace! | Kill 3 Enemies at once with the Barkblast.
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| Buried in a Lunchbox | Complete Episode 1.
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| Collateral Damage | Shoot an explosive barrel that kills an enemy.
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| Come at me World | Submit a score to the leaderboard.
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| Consider This An Intervention | Activate Shrooms mode for the first time.
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| Dat Nostalgia | Activate the original soundtrack.
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| Do You Even Stand? | Complete Episode 2.
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| Enemosity | Complete Episode 3.
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| Executioner | Kill an enemy while he's pleading for his life.
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| Fast Food | Eat 10 porridge meals.
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| Fool Me Once | Get killed by an enemy who was previously begging for his life.
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| Fresch | Find the Super Sexy Secret Poster.
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| Gib Fest | Gib 50 enemies.
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| Grandma's Boy | Disable Gore.
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| Holy Shit | Run the game on maximum Ludicrous settings.
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| I'm a Plumber By Trade | Collect 10 coins in 5 seconds.
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| Ludicrosity | Get a "Ludicrous gibs" with all weapons that are capable of doing so.
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| Munchies | Eat 2 Health Pickups While in Shrooms Mode.
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| PhysX ShmysX | Destroy a ludicrous amount of geometry.
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| Raining Blood | Kill 5 people at once with explosives or magical weapons.
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| Robo Nono | Beat NME in 5 Minutes.
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| Rocket Scientist | Kill an Enemy During a Rocket Jump.
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| Spray and Pray | Kill 666 enemies with the MP40.
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| Triple Triad | Kill 3 different types of Triads with one attack.
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| Tryhard | Kill an Enforcer with a single pistol.
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| Weak Legs | Beat Krist in 3 Minutes.
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| You Need help | Tea-bag an Enemy While in Dog-Mode.
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