| Achievement | How to unlock
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|---|
| A bomb? | Get killed by the suicide droid.
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| Audiophile | Obtain every audiolog.
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| Balls of Steel | Beat the game without dying.
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| Bibliophile | Obtain every page.
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| Breakfast is ruined | Boil away all the water and burn the toast.
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| Homer's Odyssey | Eat every donut.
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| Impulse 101 | Obtain every weapon.
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| Killing Spree | Destroy 3 bots in 2 seconds or less.
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| Mission Successful | Fly the Xanadu back to Earth.
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| Murderer | Destroy every cleaner bot.
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| Old School | Unlock the bonus mini-games.
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| Please put your seats in the upright position | Put every toilet seat up.
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| Sacrifice | Fly the Xanadu into a star.
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| Scanners | Scan the Xanadu with the Survey Bot.
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| Sign him up for the Knicks! | Score a basketball goal.
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| Silver Shower | Destroy a robot with the showers.
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| Smashed | Get drunk.
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| Speedrunner | Beat the game in 10 minutes or less.
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| Surgeon General's Warning | Smoke yourself to death.
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| The King of the Dead | Become king of the zombies.
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| Trumpet-Major | Experience an attack of flatulence.
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| Wasted | Get killed by the environment.
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| Xanadu Book Club | Find and read "The Unusual Death of Governor Li".
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| You don't have mail | Read every e-mail.
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| You've always been the caretaker… | Stay aboard the Xanadu.
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