| Achievement | How to unlock
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| Acceptance | You accepted your fate and chose the name Douchebag yourself.
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| Animal Cruelty | You've farted on animals 25 times.
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| Are We Cool? | You found Jesus while playing as a Jew.
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| Ass of Fire | You defeated 20 enemies using Cartman's Ass.
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| Avenger | You defeated 3 enemies in one battle while your buddy was knocked out.
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| Canadian Handshake | You've farted on people 100 times.
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| Chinpoko loco | You collected 15 Chinpokomon.
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| Chinpokolypse | You collected all of the Chinpokomon.
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| Clothes Whore | You've collected all of the available costumes.
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| Daddy Issues | You befriended your father.
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| Day Walker | You defeated the Boss Hall Monitor while wearing freckles.
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| Dog Whistle | You've farted on a dog while in gnome form.
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| Dragon Wrath | You knocked out 3 or more enemies with a single fart outside of battle.
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| Elven Hero | You defeated the Grand Wizard Cartman in battle.
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| Face Hoff | You defeated Princess Kenny while looking like David Hasselhoff.
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| First Day in South Park | You completed your first day in South Park.
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| For the Hoarder | You completed the game without selling any items.
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| Friends in Strange Places | You befriended both crab people and gnomes.
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| Full Arsenal | You own all the weapons and costumes available in the game.
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| Gingivitis | Gingers have bitten you 3 times without you blocking.
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| Heisenberg | You defeated the Meth Tweekers while wearing the Evil Cartman goatee and bald cap.
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| Inside Joke | While inside Mr. Slave, you summoned Mr. Slave.
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| Irritable Bowels | You shit your pants during a boss battle.
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| Junk Peddler | You sold 300 junk items.
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| Just Saying Hi | You've farted on every buddy in the game.
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| KKK Hero | You defeated the High Jew Elf Kyle in battle.
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| Made This for You | You flung a turd of your own creation at an enemy.
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| Make it Rain! | You've spent $500.
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| Mastery | You've unlocked all of the upgrades for a New Kid ability.
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| More Popular Than Jesus | You made friends with half of South Park.
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| More Popular Than John Lennon | Everyone in South Park is your friend.
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| New Kid On The Block | You have joined the KKK.
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| No Child Left Behind | You completed the game and never ended a battle with your buddy knocked out.
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| Nonconformist | You befriended the Goths, like everyone else playing this game.
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| Outpatient | You defeated Princess Kenny while living with Dire AIDS.
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| Parkeologist | You opened all of the garages in South Park.
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| Perverted | You watched your parents have sex for 60 seconds.
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| Poco Chinpoko | You collected 5 Chinpokomon.
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| Pulling Mud | In three separate battles, you've taken a shit in your pants.
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| Re-Buttal | You interrupted 5 channel attacks by using a fart.
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| Shopaholic | You have collected half of the available costume sets.
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| Shutout | You successfully blocked every enemy attack in a single (non-tutorial) battle.
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| Skilled Defender | Over the course of the game, you've blocked 100 attacks.
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| Stay Down | You farted on 10 enemies in the world that were knocked out.
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| Stick Savior | You defeated Princess Kenny and recovered the Stick of Truth.
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| Too Far | You farted on the corpse of an aborted Nazi Zombie fetus.
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| Truth to Power | You farted on four major authority figures.
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| Two Girls, One Stick | You defeated Princess Kenny in your girl makeover disguise.
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| Weapon Proficiency | Over the course of the game, you've scored 100 perfect attacks.
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| You bastards! | You've let Kenny die in combat 10 times over the course of the game.
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