| Achievement | How to unlock
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| AFK | Spend one hour inside a 'Xen Wellness Center' sauna without interruption.
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| Buddy System | Buddy-up with Jonathan.
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| Crime Averted | Save a fish from suffocation.
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| DPS LFG | Obtain 1200 DPS at the Shooting Range in Punching Bag mode.
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| Daily Bonus | Claim a free daily drink at the Mall.
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| Death Incarnate | Kill 1,000 Enemies.
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| Death Toll | Prevent a mutation from happening, by any means necessary.
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| Game Over! | Complete Chapter 1.
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| Gwyn Simp | Spend at least 5000 Selver in a single Gwyn Machine session.
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| Homecoming | Visit Dawn's home.
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| Humanity's Second Chance | Reach the streets.
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| Humiliation! | Defeat a Juggernaut with your fists.
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| It's not a bug, it's a feature! | Trigger a Trash Tornado.
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| Little Plushy Man | Safely return Wilson the Bear to Dawn's home.
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| Marathon Runner | Take 15,000 steps in a single Campaign save.
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| Mozzarella Miracle! | Get very lucky by finding a full box of pizza.
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| Myth, busted! | Cause a toilet to explode without using explosives.
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| NotEvenRemotelyFair | Die within five seconds of starting a game on Selaco Must Fall difficulty.
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| Overkill | Kill an enemy with your Fists while having a Bunny Hopper, Protein Shake and Confidence Booster active.
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| Paper Forever | Fight through the Liancria Office Complex.
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| Power Overwhelming | Obtain the Railgun Prototype from Starlight.
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| Pub Brawl | Start an argument at The Broken Seal.
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| Reporting for duty! | Suit up.
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| Safe Heaven | Unlock your first Safe Room.
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| Save the World, bro! | Reach Level 10 in SPACE BRO.
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| Sharp Shooter | Land a Headshot Kill from at least 70 meters away.
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| Sharp and Shiny | Obtain all upgrades for a single weapon.
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| Unionize! | Get 100 Minimum-Wagers in Burger Flipper.
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