| Achievement | How to unlock
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|---|
| #YOLO #JK #LOL #SWAG | Die for the first time
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| 1 On 1 | Beat General Darian in 3 Minutes
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| Aaron the Porridge Baron | Eat 3 porridge bowls in 5 seconds
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| Assault the Base | Complete Episode 1 100%
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| ATGM | Kill an enemy while under the effects of a jump-pad
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| Backfire | Complete E4L3 100%
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| Bad Mother Fucker | Beat the game with Doug Wendt
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| Beaglefaaaace! | Kill 3 Enemies at once with the Barkblast
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| Bonus Bonus | Get 2000000 points in one level
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| Breach the Castle | Complete Episode 2 100%
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| Bullet Time | Complete Episode 1 using only bullet based weaponry
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| Bullet Time Part II | Complete Episode 2 using only bullet based weaponry
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| Bullet Time Part III | Complete Episode 3 using only bullet based weaponry
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| Bullet Time Part IV | Complete Episode 4 using only bullet based weaponry
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| Buried in a Lunchbox | Complete Episode 1
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| Burned and Amazed | Complete E1L2 100%
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| Chamomillionaire | Tea bag every type of enemy in the game
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| Circles of Fire | Complete E4L4 100%
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| Clear and Present Dangers | Complete E3L4 100%
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| Collateral Damage | Shoot an explosive barrel that kills an enemy
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| Come at me World | Submit a score to the leaderboard
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| Consider This An Intervention | Activate Shrooms mode for the first time
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| Cult Classic | Complete Episode 4 100%
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| Cult Following | Complete Episode 4
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| Dat Nostalgia | Activate the original soundtrack
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| Dead in 5 Seconds | Complete E3L3 100%
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| Deck the Hall | Beat El Oscuro in 3 Minutes
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| Do You Even Stand? | Complete Episode 2
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| Double Oh Yeah | Beat the game with IP Freely
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| Double Vision | Kill 666 enemies with the Split Missile
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| Down and Over | Complete E3L2 100%
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| El Fabio Selvaggio | Shoot a bird and have it land on your face as it falls
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| El Oscuro | Complete E4L5 100%
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| Enemosity | Complete Episode 3
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| Equal Opportunity | Finish the game with all characters on any difficulty
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| Executioner | Kill an enemy while he's pleading for his life
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| Fast Food | Eat 10 porridge meals
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| Fire and Brimstone | Complete E4L2 100%
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| Fool Me Once | Get killed by an enemy who was previously begging for his life
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| Four Way Chamber | Complete E2L4 100%
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| Fresch | Find the Super Sexy Secret Poster
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| General Darian's Lair | Complete E1L5 100%
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| Gib Fest | Gib 50 enemies
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| Global Warming | Kill 666 enemies with the Flamewall
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| Got Head? | Decapitate each type of human enemy
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| Grandma's Boy | Disable Gore
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| Head Hunter | Find Scott's Mystical head
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| Hedgehog | Tea bag every kind of human enemy
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| Holy Shit | Run the game on maximum Ludicrous settings
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| Hot Blooded | Kill 666 enemies with the Heat Seeker
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| I'm a Plumber By Trade | Collect 10 coins in 5 seconds
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| In the Thick of It | Complete E1L1 100%
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| Into the Castle | Complete E2L1 100%
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| It's all in the hair | Beat the game with Tarradino Cassat
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| It's like DLC, but free! | Run the game with at least one mod installed
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| Judgement Day | Kill 666 enemies while in God Mode
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| Juiced | Kill 666 enemies with the Excalibat
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| Know Thine NME | Complete E3L5 100%
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| Look Ma! No Legs! | Complete E2L5 100%
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| Ludicrosity | Get a "Ludicrous gibs" with all weapons that are capable of doing so
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| Monky business | Complete E4L1 100%
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| Munchies | Eat 2 Health Pickups While in Shrooms Mode
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| Nerd! | Complete every level 100%
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| No Payne | Complete Episode 1 without picking up any health recovery items
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| No Payne Part II | Complete Episode 2 without picking up any health recovery items
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| No Payne Part III | Complete Episode 3 without picking up any health recovery items
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| No Payne Part IV | Episode 4 without picking up any health recovery items
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| Nukem | Kill 666 enemies with the Firebomb
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| Old School | Beat the game on Ludicrous difficulty
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| Over Easy | Beat the game on Medium difficulty
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| PhysX ShmysX | Destroy a ludicrous amount of geometry
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| Raining Blood | Kill 5 people at once with explosives or magical weapons
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| Red Haired Redemption | Beat the game with Thi Barrett
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| Robo Nono | Beat NME in 5 Minutes
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| Robotricks | Complete E3L1 100%
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| Rock-It Man | Kill 666 enemies with the Rocket Launcher
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| Rocket Scientist | Kill an Enemy During a Rocket Jump
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| Sausage Fest | Eat every meal in the game
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| Seriously, Please Seek Help | Teabag 5 decapitated heads
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| Seven Ten | Gib 2 enemies with the split missile
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| Shadow Warrior | Beat the game with Lorelei Ni
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| Shit Faced | Kill 666 enemies with the Drunk Missile
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| SLAYER | Beat the game on Ludicrous difficulty and attain 100% completion rate
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| Slow Your Roll, Bro | Finish the game in 4 hours or less
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| Spiraling In | Complete E2L3 100%
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| Spray and Pray | Kill 666 enemies with the MP40
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| Spring Surprise | Complete E1L4 100%
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| Steppin' Razer | Kill 10 enemies by using their own traps against them
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| Tequila | Kill 666 enemies with Pistols
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| That's Dope | Find the Dopefish
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| The Feiner Things | Watch through the entire credits
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| The LAW | Complete Episode 1 using only rocket based weaponry
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| The LAW Part II | Complete Episode 2 using only rocket based weaponry
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| The LAW Part III | Complete Episode 3 using only rocket based weaponry
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| The Law Part IV | Complete Episode 4 using only rocket based weaponry
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| The Room | Complete E2L2 100%
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| Too Much Room | Complete E1L3 100%
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| Triple Triad | Kill 3 different types of Triads with one attack
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| Tryhard | Kill an Enforcer with a single pistol
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| Under the Hood | Tea bag every kind of robot enemy (including NME)
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| Unreal | Watch Entire Castle Flyby with game on Maximum settings
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| Walk in the Park | Beat the game on Easy difficulty
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| WARP ZONED | Play Through All The Secret Levels
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| Weak Legs | Beat Krist in 3 Minutes
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| What Lies Beneath | Complete Episode 3 100%
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| With a Vengeance! | Beat the game on Hard difficulty
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| You Need help | Tea-bag an Enemy While in Dog-Mode
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| You Shall Not Pass | Kill 666 enemies with the Dark Staff
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| You Suck | Get the bad ending
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| You're Amason | Find all secrets in the game
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| You're The Dog Now, Man! | Kill 666 enemies while in Dog Mode
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