| Achievement | Description
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|---|
| AIN'T GOT COJONES! | Finish your business with Krotchy.
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| ALL PERPS MUST DIE! | Take out all the criminal scum infesting Catharsis!
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| ARSONIST | 150 kills using fire.
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| BIPOLAR | Swap paths 5 times in one playthrough.
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| CAMELBACK | Piss 100 gallons of urine.
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| CAT WRANGLER | 50 kills using cat.
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| CHAMP WHISPERER | 50 kills using dog.
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| COMMIES GO HOME! | Make Venezuela peacemakers go home.
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| DADDY NEVER LOVED ME | Complete game killing only males.
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| DANNY TREJO | 100 kills using machete in melee.
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| DO NOT PUSH THE BUTTON! | Disobey orders, given to you, and see what happens.
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| DON'T TAZE ME BRO | Taze 200 victims.
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| EASTWOOD | Complete game using only the pistol.
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| EMO | Injure yourself.
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| ENTOMOLOGIST | 50 kills using bees.
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| FAIL ZOMBIE | Respawn 20 times.
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| I AM THE LAW | Complete Good path without falling off.
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| JACK THOMPSON WAS RIGHT | Kill 1000 unarmed bystanders.
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| KAVORKIAN | Euthanise 30 elderly folks.
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| MEGA-SADIST | 200 injured or death-crawling victims NOT finished off.
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| NEUROSURGEON | 300 headshot/decap kills.
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| PERSONAL JESUS | Beat game with zero kills.n(zombies and bosses don't count)
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| PETA CHAIRMAN | Kill no animals in one playthrough.
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| PRODUCT RECALL | Destroy 50 cars.
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| PROPERTY DAMAGE | Smash 50 windows.
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| PSYCHO DUNDEE | 50 kills using boomerang machete.
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| REAL AMERICAN | Kill/incapacitate 235 terrorists.
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| REPO MAN | Return Thegways to the owner
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| SAYANARA, TREE HUGGERS | Arrest eco zealots leader.
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| SCHWARZENEGGER | 200 kills using M-60.
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| SCOFIELD | Escape from prison.
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| SPECIAL OLYMPIAN | Beat the game once. No restrictions apply. Everyone's a winner.
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| STALLONE | Complete game using only melee.
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| SUCKTASTIC! | Suck up 500 items with the shop vac.
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| T.J. HOOKER | Arrest 200 perps.
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| THE CHOICE WAS YOURS! | Choose path for the first time.
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| THERE IS NO SPOON | Spend 900 seconds or more in catnip bullet time.
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| WOLVERINES R GHEY | 50 badgersaw kills.
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