| Achievement | How to unlock
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| 4 can play that game! | Kill four fast-food workers during the Mexicleaner errand with the FOURnicator.
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| And remember, respect is everything! | Reach maximum heat level with the police and survive!
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| Breezy, not sleezy | Get all ten petition signatures using the drag outfit.
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| Can we fix it? No we can't! | Hit all barrels with an immigrant during the Border Smuggler errand.
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| Don't forget to wash your hands! | Flush after taking a piss in a toilet.
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| Dude Vinci Code | Collect all the paintings in the game.
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| Highscore, what does that mean? | Beat all highscores of the Scooter Challenge.
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| Holocaust: Part Trois | Reunite with an old enemy, again.
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| I Wanna Dance With Somebody | Find the secret crack den!
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| Lame of Thrones | Install all bidets for Mike without killing anyone.
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| Look ma, I'm a HOBO! | Make your homeless sign.
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| Lynched | Kill all of the mountain men on Thursday.
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| Mean Kitty | As the Cat Dude, kill ten chicks.
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| No Way Trailer Home | Finish a mission with all three Dudes.
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| One Side, Gramps | Run over fifty people with the mobility scooter.
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| One of Uwe's Best | Finish all rampages.
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| PISSASSO | Turn ten toilets yellow with piss.
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| Passion of the Christ 2: Crucify This | Completed the story with no kills.
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| Roadhouse | Beat the game by only using kicks to open doors and kill people.
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| Scooter Tutor | Beat the Fix Race errand by crossing the finished line with a fully bloodied scooter.
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| Still playing with dolls! | Collect all Krotchy, Kunny and Larry collectibles.
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| We still ain't got no budget! | Kill hundred pigeons from thrown cages.
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| Yippee Ki-Yay | Kill seven people at the same time using Dude Eye.
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