| Achievement | How to unlock
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| Carpal Tunnel Revenue (14) | You pressed the ad button 10000 times and skipped the puzzle. You also may have carpal tunnel.
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| Crowd Pleaser (14) | You learned some sweet dance moves.
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| Dope (10) | You listened to Doug drop some phat beatsies.
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| Down in the Dungeon (15) | You found the Lich King Dungeon. (Steve's holiday house)
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| F.R.I.D.G.E C.R.E.A.M (12) | You listened to a fridge drop some phat rhymes
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| High Fidelity (14) | You collected all the audio tapes.
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| High Five Me Again, Yeah (14) | You high fived the arm one too many times.
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| Keeps Me Company (14) | You defended yourself in the way only way you know how.
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| Koniec (12) | You completed Paradigm. Dope.
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| Kvlt Grooves (14) | You used the kvlt code to get the kvlt black metal audio tape.
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| Notavirus.exe (15) | You installed a virus in IT.
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| Oh My What Long Arms You Have (14) | You dated a noodle hands mutant. Flexibility is a blessing.
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| Quak Me Hard (13) | You dated a duck-human. The rumours are true.
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| Qualified IT Consultant (14) | You listened to enough IT advice, you could probably get mid tier IT consulting job.
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| Succulent Space Odyseey (13) | You bid a farewell to a space cactus.
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| There's No Place Like Wall (13) | You talked to the Man in the Wall.
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| Toast My Buns (13) | You dated a toaster. Your buns are now nice and toasy.
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| We Don't Go There (15) | You entered the forbidden mouse hole.
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