| Achievement | How to unlock
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|---|
| A Cut Above the Rest! | The Pixel Sword Unlocked! Shave and a haircut, 8 bits!
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| Aww Yeah! | Unknown.
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| Bakers Dozen | Destroy 13 donuts.
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| Caffeine'll Kill Ya! | Destroy 1000 coffee pots.
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| D3vil Inside | Mischeiv_os Unlocked! Karpee Vernasco Necktie...wait, that's not right.
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| Destruction is an Artform | Accumulate 10,000,000 points
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| Destructive Pattern | Unlock all patterns...for now.
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| Elf Shot the Food | Accidents happen, like YOU...AGAIN!?! Seriously... I needed that
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| Employee of The Month | You hit max rank! Way to go, you made it, aren't you something... You still have to come in tomorrow.
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| Fired Up! | R.I.F.E. Unlocked! Looks like your AXE got FIRED!
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| Get Good Bro | Unknown.
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| Get Polishing | Golden Poo Unlocked! Even polished... It is what it is.
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| Holy Motherboards | Unknown.
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| Holy Roller | Holy Keyboard Unlocked! And a caps (f)Lock of Angels sing the to thy rest.
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| How Am I Going to Check My Emails Now? | Destroy 500 computer monitors.
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| I Need HR!! | Smash 100 of your coworkers pictures.
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| I'd give it a 9.8 | Grabbity Gun Unlocked! What goes up... must stay up?
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| In the Red | REDDEATH Unlocked! Righteous ranged ricochet red. Really.
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| Interior Decorator | Customize your cubicle!
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| No Time To Rest | Destroy 1000 chairs.
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| Now that's Rank! LVL 10 | You ranked up to Level 10!
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| Now that's Rank! LVL 20 | You ranked up to Level 20!
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| Now that's Rank! LVL 30 | You ranked up to Level 30!
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| Now that's Rank! LVL 5 | You ranked up to Level 5!
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| On The Road To Glory Part I | You passed level 1! You know what to do, onto level two!
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| Perfectly Unhinged | Jeez, I hope you washed your hands first. You've gained all the golden poos in all levels!
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| Psychopath | Achieve 5 x2 Rages in a single game.
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| Pugilist | You prefer to be a gentleman when destroying your surroundings.
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| Raging | Achieve your first x2 Rage!
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| RePent Up Aggression | Even Dante stopped at 9... But 10??? 30 poos... If only your mom could see you now... Or cared.
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| Root Achievement | Destroy/use 100 staplers.
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| Royal Flush | Pass all levels with at least one golden poo.
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| Silky Smooth | Customize Philbert's arms!
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| Someone Call the Nerd Brigade | Destroy 500 computer towers.
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| Stay Hollow | Unknown.
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| Taco Tuesday | Hungry much?
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| The Hells My KEYS!?!? | NO SERIOUSLY!?!? Find 42 keys
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| The Merger Unlocked! | Spark one up and Rock-et retro style!
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| The Micromanager Unlocked! | HAHAHAH CRY SOME MORE!!
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| The Premiums Will Kill You | Accumulate 1,000,000 points. Seriously High premium.
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| The RoadRage Unlocked! | Go for Pink slips in your W.I.P. Whip!
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| Throws of Ecstasy | Tossed your hat in the ring...and 49 thousand other things too!
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| Want to Feel How Hard I Can Hit | 50 thousand? Such knuckles oooOOOooo!
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| You Better Have Great Insurance | Destroy 95% of the items in the room in a single level.
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| You Got the Memo Right? | Destroy 10,000 filing cabinets.
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