| Achievement | How to unlock
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| Achievement Gap | Successfully use a Cheating Bolt.
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| Anti-Authoritarian | Never hire a vice principal in William.
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| Core Curriculum | Complete both tutorial levels.
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| Due to Budget Cuts... | End a day without any teachers.
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| Fruits of Labor | Dehumanize 3 or more children with a single spell.
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| Full House | Maximum number of teachers and all special faculty.
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| Hat Trick | In Stephen J. Gould School, never lose Fruitbol.
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| I Know What I'm Doing | Disable the tutorial.
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| Know-It-All | A teacher knows all spells and lasers.
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| Left Behiiiiiind | Turn a child into a pineapple.
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| No Child Left Behind | Remove all children from a school.
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| Oh Good, You Figured It Out | Find the exploit in the Destroy the Union scenario.
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| Pineapples Don't Have Makeup | Turn David into a pineapple.
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| Punch Bowl | Win a Fruitbol game with an all-athlete team.
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| Ruin Everything | Use the "Neocolonialism" supply.
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| Socialist Scum | End a day with all teachers at maximum salary.
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| Supply and Demand | No teachers use Televiser; all teachers use max number of supplies.
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| The Social-less Network | Use an Unfriender Nova to remove all of a child's friends.
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| Till Debt Do Us Part | Lose a scenario due to bankruptcy.
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| Top of the Class | End a day with an A- average or better.
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| Why Yes, I Have | Been to Nebraska.
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| Winner!! | Win the game.
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