| Achievement | How to unlock
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|---|
| 10-4 Good Buddy | Kill Satan.
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| American Guy | Recruit Buffalo Van Dyke.
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| Annoying Guy | Recruit Nern Guan.
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| Arm-Shock 4 Life! | Win the tag titles.
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| Art Guy | Recruit Garth.
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| Bug Guy | Recruit Fly Minetti.
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| Bye, I Guess... | Race Columbo.
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| Cat Guy | Recruit Yazan Barghouti.
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| Cool Dude Guy | Recruit Clint Olympic.
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| Dirt Bag Guy | Recruit RT.
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| Drunk Guy | Recruit Olan Hyot.
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| Embrace the Joy | Meet Buzzo.
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| Face First Guy | Recruit Shocklord.
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| Fish Guy | Recruit Carp.
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| Happy Reunion | Save Buddy.
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| Headbutt Guy | Recruit Rage Ironhead.
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| Hint Guy | Recruit Terry Hints.
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| Hot Snow | Reach the Snowy Peak.
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| I Love You Son | Kill all the Rouletters.
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| It's All Falling Down | Reach the second crossroads.
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| Lady Guy | Recruit Queen Roger.
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| Lawyer Fish Guy | Recruit Harvey Alibastor.
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| Let's Find Her | Reach the first crossroads.
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| Look on the Brightside | Watch a well executed suicide.
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| Magic Guy | Recruit Jack.
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| Many Swords Guy | Recruit Crisp Ladaddy.
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| Mysterious Guy | Recruit Buckets.
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| Nipple Guy | Recruit Mad Dog.
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| No Turning Back | Reach the third crossroads.
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| No... | It can't be...
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| Party Guy | Recruit Dick Dickson.
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| Poke Guy | Recruit Ajeet Mandeep.
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| Poop Guy | Recruit Percy Monsoon.
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| Powerful Clothesline Guy | Recruit Sonny Backluwitz.
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| Really? Hairmanity? | Kill the Men's Hair Club Presidents.
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| Red Hair Guy | Recruit Rooster Coleman.
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| Rhyming Bird Guy | Recruit Geese Thompson.
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| Salvation Ends | Witness the fall of the Salvation Rangers.
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| Spear Guy | Recruit Tiger Man.
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| Super Drunk Guy | Recruit Birdie Hall.
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| Sweaty Guy | Recruit Ollie Nickels.
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| The Champ is Here! | Break the Streak, win the title.
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| The Doctor is in the House | Kill the doctor.
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| The End is Nigh | Welcome to Hell.
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| The Face of Blood | Meet the Red Skull Rando
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| There's Something Fishy... | Find the Fishmen.
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| Violated Guy | Recruit Fardy Hernandez.
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| Weekend Getaway | Find the relaxing researchers.
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| Weird Guy | Recruit Bo Wyatt.
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| Wild Guy | Recruit Beastborn.
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| Worth It | Learn the ways of the Bob Friday.
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