| Achievement | How to unlock
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|---|
| ...And My Axe! | Upgrade Finn's axes to max level!
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| A Real Hero | You are an ARCADE MASTER!
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| All of the Stuff!!! | Get all the pointy things!
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| All of the Things!!! | Collect all the questy things!
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| And Then I Complained That The Game Was Too Easy... | Beat the game on Casual difficulty.
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| Copy And Paste | Wow! 100% on all your saves!
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| Dagger Fist | Now you can throw daggers!
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| Damn Squatters!!! | Set a hostage free.
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| Defiler of Roosters | Get the Cock Puncher.
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| Do you even lift, Bro? | Reach the max level!
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| Donation Accepted! | Pay your dues to the zombie priests
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| Exit Only! | Get hugged by a crawler.
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| Game Over Man! Game Over! | The taste of true defeat.
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| Get off my lawn! | Throw 'em around!
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| Go To Hell!! | You beat the game!
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| Hand Solo | Play singleplayer on the day of love.
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| Hey Sailor! | Skip the How To Play Video
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| How Do I Do That Again? | Revisit the How To Play video.
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| I Don't Wanna Die! | Hey! We thought you liked it rough!
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| I can't even... | Die in the water.
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| I read books for the pictures, dude! | Complete the Arcade adventure!
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| Kids these days... | Use a continue on Stage 0.
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| Look Ma, No Saves! | You like to live dangerously, no saves!
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| Make War, Not Love... | Play co-op on the day of love.
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| Real Magic | Bought the six-way magic daggers!
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| Really - I didn't cheat!!! | Go through HELL with no saves!
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| Sharing is good! | Tear 'em in two!
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| Surfs Up Dude! | Go corpse surfing.
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| The Love Boat! | Play within punching distance!
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| There is no Thurstan, Only Zuul! | Thurstan gets possessed.
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| What A Rip Off! | Rip an arm off 'em!
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| While you're (not) down there... | Beat a walking level without crouching.
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| You Lose! Perfect!! | Finish Stage 0 in Hell Mode.
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| You won't be needing those... | Deliver a punishing ball kick!
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