| Achievement | How to unlock
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| Are We Scrapping It Or Not? | Stare at the main menu for over 5 minutes straight.
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| Ash and Dust | Beat Level 1 without losing more than 50% HP.
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| Balancing Act | Beat Level 2 without losing more than 50% HP.
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| Bat Adult | Beat Level 2.
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| Bully | Defeat fifty enemies.
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| Female Empowerment | Beat Level 4.
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| Final Boss When? | Beat Level 5.
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| Get Out Of My Chair! | Die to an enemy named James.
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| Haha, One! | Beat Level 3 without losing more than 50% HP.
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| Homesick | Punch the test tube in Level 1.
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| I Need Some Space | Defeat four enemies or more at once with the Bat or Gorilla super attack.
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| Losing My Marble | Beat Level 4 without losing more than 50% HP.
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| Master Keypad | Beat Level 1.
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| Mutagen Hero | Defeat twenty enemies.
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| Super-Freak | Defeat thirty enemies.
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| Test Subject No More | Defeat ten enemies.
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| That's Not Enough | Play the credits three times.
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| The Math Doesn't Add Up | Die 10 times.
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| Trey the "Bae" | Beat Level 3.
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| Worst. Producer. Ever. | Defeat an enemy named Jarred.
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| You're Hired | Stare at the art in Level 4 for 30 seconds.
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| Yummy | Heal to full from a Bat Super.
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