| Achievement | How to unlock
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| 1.000.000 Scovilles | Eat a fire item.
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| A Good Read | Read a special note.
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| A Heap of Raw Meat | Kill Meall.
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| An Old Timer | Kill a monster with a Revolver.
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| Athletic | Collect Marv, Third Lung and Pulp mementoes in one run.
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| Blue Valentine | Bring a rose to Val.
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| Body Building | Find three Golden Meats total.
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| Book Lover | Kill Scourge directly.
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| Boot for an eye | Kill Eye Taker.
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| Can I be more unfortunate? | Put your hands into the talking toilet.
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| Child | Enter the White Room on Meat War.
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| Dog | Enter the Field Room on Meat War.
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| Don't Come Near Me | Collect Huge Chin and Nose with Teeth mementos in one run.
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| Don't interrupt my research! | Kill a monster with a Map.
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| Don't play with fire, kids | Burn a monster to death.
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| Feeling Better | Find your first Golden Meat.
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| Fire safety | Kill a monster with an Axe.
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| First fall | Die.
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| First steps | Complete three floors total.
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| Gentle hugs | Kill Carre.
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| Golden eyes | Make 500 gold.
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| Golden fingers | Make 100 gold.
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| Golden heart | Make 1000 gold.
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| Golden tongue | Make 200 gold.
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| Good Murder | Kill 100 monsters total.
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| Good father | Throw 500 gold at Son.
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| Groovy! | Kill a monster with a Shotgun.
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| Hands up! | Kill a monster with a pistol.
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| Happy Together | Complete one floor in Co-op.
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| Hate Me | Kill 500 monsters total.
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| I AM MEAT | Complete hundred floors total.
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| I Think I'm Lost | Complete twenty floors total.
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| I am Unstoppable | Complete twenty floors without dying.
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| I'll give this one a 0 star rating | Eat a poisoned item.
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| I'm not a sushi | Kill Needles.
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| I. AM. DEATH. | Kill 1000 monsters total.
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| I. NEED. MORE. MEAT. | Get every memento and open the final door.
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| Infinite pleasure | Kill a monster with a Tommygun.
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| Killer | Enter the Murder Room on Meat War.
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| Love through meat | Save her.
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| MMMEEEAAATTT | Complete 500 floors total.
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| Meat Child | Enter the White Room on MEATZONE.
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| Meat Dog | Enter the Field Room on MEATZONE.
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| Meat Killer | Enter the Murder Room on MEATZONE.
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| Meat Machine | Complete five floors without dying.
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| Meat Shlong | Enter the Torture Room on MEATZONE.
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| Meat Val | Enter the Val Room on Meat Zone.
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| Merchant Maniac | Buy a key from Golden Eye Taker.
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| Merchant | Buy a key from Pile of Meat.
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| Mmm, tasty | Destroy a wall by eating an item.
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| Multi-Love | Find a multy barrel shotgun.
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| No Love | The Gut hates you.
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| Now you see | Lose an eye.
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| OMG I FOUND A BUG | Kill She in the flashback.
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| Pacifist Run | Complete any floor without using your weapons once.
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| Ram of Hell | Kill Castle.
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| Shlong | Enter the Torture Room on Meat War.
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| Smothered in Meat | Complete fifty floors total.
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| Spiky chin | Kill anyone with your Huge Chin.
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| Stranger in the Elevator | Meet Rose for the first time.
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| Swim in the Asphalt | Kill Gut Divers.
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| Taste of Your Own Poison | Kill an Eyetaker with Meat Spear.
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| Traitorous Bastard | Kill your Meat Bro in Co-op while having Traitorous Bastard memento.
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| Uh, Which Key is the Right One? | Collect 25 keys total.
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| Unfortunate Plumber | Kill a monster with a Pipe.
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| Untouchable | Finish any floor without taking damage.
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| Val | Enter the Val Room.
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| Vampire Killer | Kill a monster with a Vein Whip.
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| Wake Up, Meat | Ressurect your Meat Bro in Co-op.
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| Where are those diamonds? | Destroy fifty walls total.
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| Wild Circus | Kill Maneater.
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