| Achievement | How to unlock
|
|---|
| Big Balls | Kill Kang.
|
| Boot Camp | Survive the tutorial!
|
| Creeper | Load the crafting menu.
|
| Dogs of War | Destroy the space station!
|
| Fire in the Sky | Survive the asteroid belt.
|
| Goodman! | "The game just called me a f$#!stick!"
|
| Gorbachev | Have mercy. Let the Comrade live.
|
| Hand over Fist | Rip both arms off a mech.
|
| Ho Lee Fuke | Defeat Kang's weird faceship.
|
| I am a Real American | Hatred For None
|
| Into the Void | I understand and I wish to continue.
|
| Ivan Getridov | Kick the Comrade's ass!
|
| More Weirds | Complete level 666.
|
| Nice shootin', Tex | Get an S Rank on level 7-1 or 10-1.
|
| No Respect | Skip Credits.
|
| Pass the Two Million Sunblock | Into the sun. Well done.
|
| Poo Poo Pee Pee | Punch a Toilet.
|
| Push Over | Okay. Fine!
|
| Putin | No peace! Kill the Comrade!
|
| Shot to the Heart | Defeat the Worm's heart.
|
| Slick Willie | Beat any level without taking damage.
|
| Spineless | I am weak.
|
| Sweating Bullets | Destroy the Battle Dome without taking damage.
|
| The Biggest Little | Complete 9-1.
|
| The Level Above Human | Beat Heaven.
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| These Colors Don't Run | Destory the Cock Sauce Factory.
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| Tipper Gore | Complete a level with the middle finger censored.
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| Yeah, BRAH! | Get a million points on 1-1.
|
| You Played Yourself | Destroy bizarro Gamma Ray.
|
| Yuri Gannadye | Kill the Comrade!
|