| Achievement | How to unlock
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| Bestest Infiltrator | Win an Infiltration map.
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| Big Dipper | Earn all 21 stars in challenge mode.
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| Bipolar | Switch between Brian and Stewie 10 times in Story mode.
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| Bird Is The Word | Taunt 5 times in a row with Peter.
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| Boom Headshot | Kill 75 enemies with headshots.
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| Bunch of Chumps | Survive 15 waves of enemies in Multiverse Madness.
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| Cartoon Apocalypse | Survive 30 waves in Multiverse Madness.
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| Chicken Fight! | Complete the "Chicken Fight!" level.
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| Chickens In Space | Complete the "Chickens In Space" level.
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| Day Labor | Destroy all of the piņatas.
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| Employee of the Month | Kill Vernon.
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| First Kill | Successfully complete your first kill of a member of the opposing team in Multiplayer.
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| Grease Can't Save You Now | Win a Capture the "Greased-Up Deaf Guy" match.
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| Handicapable | Complete the "Handicapable" level.
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| Head Shot | Kill an enemy with a single shot to the head.
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| Help From My Friends | Acquire any collectible special inventory items and use it 25 times in Story Mode.
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| How Do I Jump? | Kill yourself with a grenade or satchel charge.
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| IEDead | Kill 60 enemies with grenades/explosives.
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| It's All Greek To Me | Complete the "It's All Greek To Me" level.
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| Justified | Kill 500 enemies using Brian.
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| Kings of Quahog | Win a deathmatch mode (free-for-all or as a team).
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| Little Dipper | Earn 10 stars in challenge mode.
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| Lockdown | Shut out the other team from scoring in Capture the "Greased-Up Deaf Guy".
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| Long John Peter | Complete the "Long John Peter" level.
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| Mort Will Now Lend You Credit | Buy everything available in the Store.
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| Mr. Unpopular | Select Meg as a character for a Multiplayer match.
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| Multi-kill | Perform a multi-kill with a melee weapon.
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| Multi-kill with grenade | Perform a multi-kill with a grenade.
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| No Cheese, Please | Complete the "No Cheese, Please" level.
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| No Place Like Home | Complete the "No Place Like Home" level.
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| Obsessed | Complete all secondary objectives.
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| One Shot Kills | Successfully kill an enemy with one shot.
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| Penny Pincher | Successfully collect $50,000.
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| Pervert | Hang around Quagmire in a baby costume for 30 seconds.
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| Pussy Whipped | Complete the "Pussy Whipped" level.
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| Roadhouse | Kill 3 members of the opposing team with a melee attack before you die in Multiplayer.
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| Santa's Sweatshop | Complete the "Santa's Sweatshop" level.
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| Scorched Earth | Burn the Amish pot fields.
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| Shut Up Meg | Kill Meg during a Multiplayer Match.
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| Something's Amish | Complete the "Something's Amish" level.
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| Stewie-nator | Kill 500 enemies using Stewie.
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| Teabag a D-Bag | Taunt a dead opponent with Quagmire in Multiplayer.
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| Teabaggin' | Successfully perform a taunt 25 times.
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| The Cleaner | Get a 10 kill streak in Deathmatch.
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| There Is No Cake | Unlock all other Achievements found in the game.
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| Ugly Tastes Terrible | Play poorly during the final showdown.
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| We Be Clubbing | Defeat 10 enemies with a melee weapon.
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| Wrecking Ball | Smash your opponent into something 20 times in the "Chicken Fight!" level.
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