| Achievement | How to unlock
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| A Lonely Dragon | Complete a season without hiring an Op.
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| An Infinite Deal Of Nothing | Complete a season with Fuzzy Dice equipped.
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| Cry "Havoc!" And Let Slip The Dogs Of War | Complete The Attack Lawyer season.
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| He That Dies Pays All Debts | Fail 1000 runs by dying.
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| He That Will Have A Cake Out Of The Wheat, Must Tarry The Grinding | Complete 100 seasons successfully.
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| His Hour Upon The Stage | Fail 10 runs by dying.
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| I Can Get No Remedy Against This Consumption Of The Purse | Drive 5000 miles and consume 512 units of Fuel total.
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| Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be | Complete The Gambler season.
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| Now Is The Winter Of Our Discontent | Complete The Sunday Drivers season.
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| Out Of The Jaws Of Death | Complete The Brain in a Jar season.
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| Shuffled Off This Mortal Coil | Fail 100 runs by dying.
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| Spur Your Proud Horses Hard, And Ride In Blood | Destroy 100 enemies through collisions.
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| Taste Of Death But Once | Fail 1 run by dying.
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| The Most Unkindest Cut Of All | Destroy 10 enemies using the Road Spike.
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| The Web Of Our Life Is Of A Mingled Yarn, Good And Ill Together | Completed the seasons of all characters.
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| There Is Nothing Either Good Or Bad, But Thinking Makes It So | Complete The Trader season.
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| Things Won Are Done; Joy's Soul Lies In The Doing | Complete 1000 seasons successfully.
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| Time Travels In Divers Paces With Divers Persons | Drive 500 miles and consume 32 units of Fuel total.
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| To Climb Hills Requires A Slow Pace | Complete 10 Seasons successfully.
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| To Unpathed Waters, Undreamed Shores | Drive 100 miles and consume 8 units of Fuel total.
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| Travelers Never Did Lie, Though Fools At Home Condemn Them | Drive 1000 miles and consume 128 units of Fuel total.
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| Twice-Told Tale | Completed the seasons of all characters in Pro mode.
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| Uneasy Lies The Head That Wears The Crown | Complete The Gangcult Leader season.
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| Violent Delights Have Violent Ends | Complete The Sanctioned Op, Part 2 season.
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| What Is Past Is Prologue | Complete The Sanctioned Op, Part 1 season.
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