| Achievement | How to unlock
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| Alive | Made it to the end without dying.
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| Beeroisseur | Tried a dark chocolate coffee porter with Josh.
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| Beloved | Your company threw a surprise party for you.
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| Bionic | It's like the arm you lost, but with more features!
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| Blockbuster | Saw the White House blow up.
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| Bodyguard | Escorted the President from the White House.
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| Bright | Told a light bulb joke. How romantic!
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| Canuck | Fled to Canada.
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| Celebratory | Celebrated a birthday party.
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| Celebrity | Mark wrote a positive article about you.
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| Character | Your robot wrote a successful autobiography.
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| Chatty | Your robot passed the Turing Test.
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| Chipped | Got a chip in your head.
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| Cleared | Got a Top Secret clearance.
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| Crimefighter | You and the Crusader fight crime.
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| Cultist | Started a cult around your robot.
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| Doctor | Earned your doctorate.
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| Doubled | Made a robot double of yourself.
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| Elfin | Your robot was a good little elf.
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| Escapee | Loyal robots freed you from prison.
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| Filial | You bought a gift for Mom in her old age.
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| First Mate | Went out for coffee with ex-President Irons.
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| Florist | Made use of the language of flowers.
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| Founder | Started a new country.
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| Gadgeteer | Made Professor Ziegler reminisce about the Chief.
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| Gourmand | Your robots tried lutefisk.
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| Hacker | Found a vulnerability in the Chinese robots.
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| Halloweener | Attended Mark's costume party.
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| Hat Trick | Got three achievements at the same time. And now, four.
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| Heartbreaker | Your robot sang "Maps" in front of a live studio audience.
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| Hero | Prevented the Sino-American war from starting.
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| Holiday | Got an Alaskan holiday named after you.
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| Honored | You were honored at the White House in your old age.
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| KITTy | Made a deal to design intelligent cars.
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| Kingmaker | Gave your robot control over all the other robots.
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| Kinkadian | Made some popular paintings.
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| Knifethrower | Threw throwing knives with Juliet.
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| Ludophile | Your robot interpreted the ending of Braid.
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| Lunatic | Your robots headed for the moon.
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| Mastermind | You basically rule the world.
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| Neurosurgeon | Put a piece of your own brain in a robot.
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| Nostalgic | Reminisced with a robotic Statue of Liberty.
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| Novelist | Your novel was a success, thanks to your high Humanity.
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| Numismatist | Earned a coin.
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| Officiant | Presided over a human-robot wedding.
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| Oracle | Your robot got compared to drunk Nate Silver.
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| Pardoned | Freed from jail by order of the President.
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| Partybot | Your robots got a little tipsy.
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| Patriot | America won the war.
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| Philanthropist | Started a large charitable organization.
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| Pickled | Electrified a pickle. How romantic!
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| Rebellious | Your robot sang "Head Like a Hole" in front of a live studio audience.
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| Rebel | Led the Alaskan Rebellion.
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| Resilient | A company you founded survived its startup phase.
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| Robophile | Married a robot.
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| Rocker | Played Freebird. Sort of.
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| Rockin' | Learned a password.
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| Safecracker | Got inside the Top Secret room.
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| Scholar | Won a fellowship for having a high robot stat.
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| Shakespearean | Discussed Hamlet's age-old question with your robot.
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| Sidekick | Your robot is pretty good with throwing knives.
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| Singular | Joined the collective mind of the robots.
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| Somethingian | I'm very sure that's a real religion.
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| Spacefarer | Your robot got the Alpha Centauri ending of Civilization IV.
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| Spook | Accessed the government's master intelligence database.
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| Spouse | Got married!
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| Terrible | Died in the earliest possible place.
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| Tragic Hero | Finish Chapter 7 with no other achievements.
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| Transformative | Made robots that are more than meets the eye.
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| Trio | Had a very special night with your two loves.
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| Trophy | If nobody can judge you, is this achievement meaningless?
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| Warlord | Your robot got the conquest ending of Civilization IV.
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