| Achievement | How to unlock
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| Awkward Christmas (secret) | Awarded for playing the game on December 24 or 25. Happy holidays!
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| Button Masher (secret) | Awarded if one player presses their button 100+ times during a win/loss condition.
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| Completed 1% (secret) | You've now seen 1% of all content. Only 99% to go!
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| Completed 2% (secret) | You've now seen 2% of all content. Only 98% to go...
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| Completed 3% (secret) | The question is, how long are we going to keep this up?
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| Completed 42% (secret) | You've now seen 42% of all content. Don't forget your towel.
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| Completed 69% (secret) | You've now seen 69% of all content. Only 31% to go!
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| Completed 99% (secret) | You've now seen 99% of all content. So close...
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| Dedicated Cheater (secret) | Nice try cheater, but the file was only a decoy!
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| Double Double Rainbow (secret) | Almost a triple rainbow...
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| Massacre! (secret) | Awarded if 8 players all lose in the same round
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| Monkey See, Monkey Do (secret) | Awarded for seeing Act like a monkey 10 times
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| More Fun Than Driving a Bus From Tuscon to Las Vegas | Awarded for actively playing the game for 8 hours in a row. Remember not to let the attract screen time out...
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| Shaving the Cat (secret) | Awww, the Cat lost 3 times in a row.
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| Underachiever (secret) | You haven't received an achievement in the last 2 hours. Here, have a pity one.
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| Wow, That's a Lot of Button Presses | Awarded for pressing buttons a combined 100,000 times over the life of the game.
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| You're Not Doing It Right... (secret) | Dude, you're definitely not stepping back away from the screen. Quit cheating!
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| You're So Lucky! | Each round, you have a one in a million chance of getting this achievement. Good luck...
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