| Achievement | How to unlock
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| A Face Like a Beast | Kill 15 enemies with a Metal Beast while wearing the Zaulia Threads.
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| Armchair General | Win a single-player Stage Battle against the AI using only orders.
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| Beard Beard Action Beard! | Make out with Ophelia while wearing the Mountain Man Threads.
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| Beast Master | Ride one of every ridable animal.
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| Boar Bather | Ride a Razorfire Boar into the Sea of Black Tears and live to tell the tale.
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| Cönquerer | Win 50 match-made multiplayer battles.
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| Carnivore | Run down 20 animals in the Deuce with the Coiling Maw equipped.
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| Chicks n' Booze n' Stuff | Complete "Sanctuary of Sin".
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| Coolest Thing Ever | Jump over a Hextadon in the Deuce.
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| Cry Me a River | Kill 20 Drowning Doom units with the Eye of Sorrow.
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| Death From Above | Kill 20 enemies with one Bleeding Death.
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| Dollpocalypse | Hit 6 enemies with the explosion from a Brood's Double Team.
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| Euthanasia | Hit 15 enemies with one Agony Ball using the Pain Lifter's Double Team.
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| Favored | Acquire 3,000 Fire Tributes.
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| Fistful of Fog | Complete "Dry Ice, Wet Graves".
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| Flowerslave | Summon all Motor Forges.
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| French Kiss Instructor | Complete "Pilgrimage of Screams".
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| Got a Car and a Date | Complete "Welcome to the Age of Metal".
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| Groupie | Complete Campaign mode on Gentle.
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| Hair Remover | Complete "Battle for Bladehenge".
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| Hammer of Fate Champion | Win 10 games on Hammer of Infinite Fate maps - ranked or vs. the Brütal AI.
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| Hammer of Infinite Fate Tourist | Play a multiplayer game on all Hammer of Infinite Fate multiplayer maps.
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| I've never touched an axe before | Personally smote 300 enemies - any mode.
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| If You Want Blood, You Got It | Kill 20 Tainted Coil units with the Disgorger.
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| Iron Fist | Win an AI stage battle - Brütal difficulty.
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| Legend | Complete Campaign mode on Brütal.
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| Loyal Customer | Purchase all upgrades in the Motor Forge.
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| Master of the Blood | Double Team with every Tainted Coil unit.
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| Master of the Flame | Double Team with every Ironheade unit.
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| Master of the Tear | Double Team with every Drowning Doom unit.
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| Metal God | Achieve 100% completion on the stats screen.
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| No More Tears | Complete "Sea of Black Tears".
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| Norwegian Sendoff | Visit the grave of a fallen hero while wearing the Black Metal Threads.
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| Now You Must Tell the Tale | View all Legends.
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| One Hit Wonder | Purchase 1 upgrade in the Motor Forge.
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| Overkill | Complete all hunting secondary missions.
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| Painkiller | Kill 25 enemies with the grinder of one Rock Crusher.
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| Practice Bloody Practice | Win an AI stage battle - any difficulty.
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| Protector | Complete 20 ambush, outpost defense, or mortar secondary missions.
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| Quill Tosser | Kill a Tollusk using only Ground Urchins.
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| Ran to the Hills | Complete "It's Raining Death".
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| Ringleader | Trap 15 enemies in one ring of fire with the Fire Baron's Double Team.
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| Roadie | Complete Campaign mode on Normal.
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| Sellout | Spend 250,000 fans - any mode.
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| Serpent Samaritan | Free 40 Bound Serpents.
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| Serpent Savior | Free all 120 Bound Serpents.
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| Serpent Spanker | Free 80 Bound Serpents.
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| Silence, ground walker! | Gain 5 or more seconds of hang time in a single jump - any mode.
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| Six Degrees of Schafer | Play with or against another player who has this Achievement.
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| Some Demon Flesh on your Bumper | Slay 150 enemies with the Deuce - any mode.
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| Squeal Like a Chicken | Complete all racing secondary missions.
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| Start a Revolution | Complete "Exploited in the Bowels of Hell".
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| Subjügator | Win 10 match-made multiplayer battles.
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| Thick as a Baby's Arm | Complete "Lair of the Metal Queen".
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| Tourist | View all vistas.
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| Victör | Win a ranked multiplayer match.
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| Virtuoso | Learn all guitar solos.
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| Voices From Beyond | Unlock all songs in the Mouth of Metal.
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| Whispering Rock | Chisel four Razputin heads onto Mt. Rockmore.
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