| Achievement | How to unlock
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| 8888888888888888 | Follow the narrators orders up to the bosses office. When at the number pad at the wall, press "8888" twice in a row.
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| Achievement | This is an achievement.
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| Beat the game | Complete The Stanley Parable.
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| Click on door 430 five times. | Click on door 430 five times.
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| Commitment | Play The Stanley Parable for the entire duration of a Tuesday.
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| Go outside | Don't play The Stanley Parable for five years.
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| Speed run | Complete The Stanley Parable in under 4 minutes 22 seconds.
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| Unachievable | It is impossible to get this achievement.
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| Welcome back! | Quit the game and then start it again.
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| You can't jump | No seriously, we disabled it.
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