| Achievement | How to unlock
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| Assistant Regional Manager (25 points) | Climb 1000 floors in Corporate Ladder.
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| Assistant to the Regional Manager (15 points) | Climb 500 floors in Corporate Ladder.
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| Baby Backfire (15 points) | Hit a dad with his own baby.
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| Bank You Very Much (35 points) | Punch 1000 coins out of other dads.
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| Big Baby Daddy (40 points) | Capture a fat baby.
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| Burger-Baby-Daddy-Bumper (15 points) | Hit a dad with your own fat baby.
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| Chase The Rainbow (35 points) | Capture a baby from three different teams in a single round.
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| Clearing House (35 points) | Win a Diaper Sniper round by eliminating 3 other dads yourself.
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| Close Call (25 points) | Deny the capture of your baby on a dad just steps from his door.
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| Cranial Contusion (25 points) | Hit a dad with his own skull.
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| Decimator (35 points) | Win 10 times in Sudden Dad Overtime.
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| Father-Son Tag Team (25 points) | Hit 100 other dads by throwing your own baby.
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| Hittin' Bricks (35 points) | Punch a Diaper Brick out of mid-air.
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| Hyper Diaper Sniper (100 points) | Participate in 100 games of Diaper Sniper.
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| Iron Grip (50 points) | Win a game of Smash 'N Grab without ever letting go of your baby.
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| Lock Block (35 points) | Lock the doors and deny the capture of your baby on a dad just steps from his door.
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| Pa-Pa-Pa-Puncher (50 points) | Hit 3 other dads with a single punch.
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| Quick Draw (25 points) | Capture a baby within 2 seconds of spawning.
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| Quick Scope (35 points) | Eliminate another dad within 2 seconds of the start of a Diaper Sniper round.
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| Regional Manager (35 points) | Climb 5000 floors in Corporate Ladder.
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| Self Dad-struction (25 points) | Eliminate yourself in Diaper Sniper.
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| Smash 'N Grab Superstar (100 points) | Participate in 100 games of Smash 'N Grab.
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| Speedy Self Dad-struction (35 points) | Eliminate yourself within 2 seconds of the start of a Diaper Sniper round.
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| Totem Topper (15 points) | Raise your totem to the top in Totem Toppers.
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| Volunteer (35 points) | Finish a Corporate Ladder game without picking up any coins.
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| Welcome to the 1% (100 points) | Participate in 100 games of Corporate Ladder.
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