| Achievement | How to unlock
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| All Around Joe (15 points) | Be on the winning team in one arena match of every mode.
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| Armed and Dangerous (10 points) | Collect all the weapons in the Gift Shop by unlocking or trading.
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| Black Marketeer (5 points) | Get yourself a cool new weapon.
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| Cast Member (5 points) | Complete the story's opening sequence in any mode.
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| Chicken Toucher (15 points) | Play with the Behemoth or someone with this achievement in an online game.
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| Co-op Star (20 points) | Get a letter grade in every level (except Encores) in Normal Co-op Story Mode.
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| Crowd Pleaser (15 points) | Complete all the Encores in any mode.
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| Deadly Performer (10 points) | Get 100 kills.
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| First Time Trader (5 points) | Make a trade with someone.
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| Freedom Hero (30 points) | Free all the prisoners in the Gift Shop by unlocking or trading.
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| Global Trader (10 points) | Trade online with ten different players.
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| Hats Off (20 points) | Get a letter grade in all eight finales in any mode.
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| Insane Co-op Star (30 points) | Get a letter grade in every level (except Encores) in insane co-op story mode.
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| Insane Solo Star (30 points) | Get a letter grade in every level (except Encores) in insane solo story mode.
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| Jail Breaker (10 points) | Free 50 prisoners in the Gift Shop.
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| Melee Master (15 points) | Successfully use every melee attack move.
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| Nailfile Cake (5 points) | Free a fellow prisoner.
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| Seasoned Performer (10 points) | Complete the first four finales in any mode.
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| Secret Hat Hunter (10 points) | Collect 10 Golden Hats.
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| Social Butterfly (15 points) | Collect all the prisoners of one head shape.
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| Solo Star (20 points) | Get a letter grade in every level (except Encores) in Normal Solo Story Mode.
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| The Professional (15 points) | Be on the winning team in 100 arena matches.
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| Theater Critic (10 points) | Play and rate 10 user-created levels.
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| Theater Manager (10 points) | Download and host a game of user-created levels.
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| Virtuoso (15 points) | Get an A++ in 10 levels.
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| Weapons Master (15 points) | Use each weapon successfully.
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