| Achievement | How to unlock
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|---|
| 1,000,000aire! | Earn $1000000 lifetime.
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| 100,000aire! | Earn $100000 lifetime.
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| 500,000aire! | Earn $500000 lifetime.
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| Back Taxes | Win all prizes in Episodes 1-73.
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| Beast Master | Get 10 animal questions correct (excluding DLC).
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| Button Banger | Get a multiple choice question right in the first 2 seconds.
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| Consolation Prize | Play 5 hours without getting a single achievement.
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| Discover Gauntlet of Fire | Find the very important gauntlet of fire.
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| DisOrDash | Ace a DisOrDat in under 10 seconds.
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| DisorDat Destroyer | Answer all 7 DisOrDat items correctly.
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| DisOrDat Participation Award | Complete DisOrDat in 30 seconds.
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| Film in Your Brain | Get 10 movie questions correct (excluding DLC).
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| Genius for a Day | Score at least $30,000 over your average.
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| Great Crowd | Laugh at a an easy joke.
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| It's Just More of This | Finish an episode.
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| Jack Attack Dog | Get all 7 Jack Attack questions correct without messing up in a 2-player game.
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| Living in the Past | Get 10 history questions correct (excluding DLC).
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| Mouth-Breather | Achieve third-highest rating achievement.
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| My First Time | Screw someone for the first time.
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| One Teat Short of an Udder | Achieve second-highest rating.
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| Overconsumer | Listen to all commercials after one episode.
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| Perfect Attendance | Play episodes 1-73.
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| Phatty | Get 10 food questions correct (excluding DLC).
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| Quick-Draw McDumbass | Choose wrong answer within the first 3 seconds 10 times.
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| Slack Attack | Get -$1 million on a jack attack.
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| Smelt the Roses | Get a multiple choice question right in the last 1 second.
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| Social Outcast | Finish 5 single-player games on Friday or Saturday nights.
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| Taking It from Behind | Come from behind to win during the Jack Attack in a 2-player game.
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| The Game's Half Empty | Play episodes 1-37.
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| The Game's Half Full | Play episodes 1-36.
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| Turncoat | Play on July 4th instead of celebrating America.
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| Unicorn | Achieve highest gamer rating.
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| Vidiot Savant | Get every question right in an episode.
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