| Achievement | How to unlock
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| A Dish Best Served Cold | Finish Sudsy the Inanimate with his own glacial spike.
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| A Little Something On Your Nose | Donate 100 credits to the Guidance Counselor.
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| A Penny Saved | Save 80 tokens in a single playthrough.
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| A Rock and A Hard Place | Defeat The Imaginaries with less than 50 move speed remaining.
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| A Scholar's Mate | Defeat The Disciplined King in under 75 seconds.
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| Above the Influence | Defeat Regan while holding max juice boxes.
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| Afraid of the Dark | Defeat the Candelabra of Longing without leaving the light.
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| And Then There Were None | Defeat The Winged Overseer with 10 or more small birds still alive.
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| Apple Polisher | Donate 500 credits to the Guidance Counselor.
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| Biggest Baddest | Deal over 1000 damage with a basic attack on an enemy.
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| Can't Wait to Open It! | Defeat The Box of Nice Things with four or more presents still alive.
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| Consumption Junction | Drink 500 Juice Boxes.
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| Extra Credit | Donate 5000 credits to the Guidance Counselor.
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| Fight Me Meow | Defeat a feral cat champion.
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| First Things First | Defeat Goneril before destroying any buildings.
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| Food for Thought | Collect both the Gourmet Turtle and the Wandering Crab in a single game.
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| Fool Me A Third Time.. | Defeat A Buoyant Double after killing three Frosty Doubles.
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| Four Times the Fun | Defeat The Administrators four times.
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| Grade A Suck-Up | Donate 10000 credits to the Guidance Counselor.
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| Head of the Class | Get a ten game win streak.
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| If You Can Dodge a Footstool | Defeat The Friendly Foot Stools without taking damage.
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| Just a Scratch | Defeat Dr. Bloodfather with less than 13 health remaining.
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| Just Say No | Complete Hard Mode without using any juice boxes.
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| Kickstarted | Collect and hold 40 tokens in a single playthrough.
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| Leftovers - Yuck! | Defeat The Brick Pile without letting any slime return.
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| Like The Back of My Hand | Defeat The Frozen Few without failing a maze once.
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| May I Have Some More | Please sir - defeat the Cauldron of Yesterdayers before A Second Helping.
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| No Pain - No Gain | Complete a sensitive floor while under the influence of Severity.
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| Not Thinking With Portals | Defeat The Administrators after spawning 13 extra enemies.
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| Once More with Feeling | Complete the game on Hard Mode.
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| Participation Counts | Meet your demise in Edgewood again and again and again.
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| Playing with Fire | Defeat Frothy the Dragon without taking damage.
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| Simply Erased | Finish off Some Harmless Markings with a chalk cloud.
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| Stop Hitting Yourself | Defeat Better Cordy without hitting it with basic attacks.
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| Stop! Drop! Roll! | Roll while holding the Fragile Roly Poly and the Candelabra Matchsticks.
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| Stuff it in the Locker | Collect 35 items over multiple playthroughs.
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| Succeed On Your Own Merits | Reach the end of Chapter 2 without using a vending machine.
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| Taking Out the Trash | Defeat The Obsolete Operator with five or more trash can Broggs still alive.
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| Teacher's Pet | Donate 1500 credits to the Guidance Counselor.
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| The Administrators' Archive | Complete Chapter 3.
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| The Best Friends Reunited | Uncover both Goneril's Mallet and Regan's Lunchbox.
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| The Capulet Conclave | Complete Chapter 2.
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| The Denouement | Complete Chapter 4.
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| The Healer is No Threat | Finish off Specialist Fenwick with at least four patients unconscious.
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| The Honor Roll | Reach the end of Chapter 3 without rolling.
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| The Real Speed Test | Complete Hard Mode in under an hour.
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| The Speed Test | Reach the end of Chapter 4 in under an hour.
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| The Woundwort Fortress | Complete Chapter 1.
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| Thrice the Terror | Defeat Regan three times.
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| Time to Dally | Defeat His Natural Defenses after killing 21 spawned enemies.
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| Time Waits for No One | Defeat Cyndar's Timekeeper without using a time bubble.
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| Twice the Trouble | Defeat Goneril twice.
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| V is for Victory | Beat the game five times.
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| Victorious Valedictorian | Complete all other achievements.
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| Waste Not - Want Not | Carry ten or more consumables at once.
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| Weeding is Overrated | Defeat A Leafy Oversight after letting him absorb 6 or more spores.
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| Welcome to Edgewood | Meet your demise in Edgewood.
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| Well Read | Collect every single piece of lore.
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| Who Needs Rhythm | Defeat The Virtuoso while confused.
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| Who's the Bully Now | Deal over 400 damage with a basic attack on an enemy.
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| Worth! | Heal only a single damage with a juice box.
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| Wrecking Ball | Defeat 500 enemies in the Edgewood Home for Lost Children.
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| You Belong in a Museum | Defeat an Archivist.
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