| Achievement | How to unlock
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|---|
| Baby Steps (10 points) | Complete the first level.
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| Bottom Feeder (10 points) | Die 15 times on one level.
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| Gender Change (10 points) | Purchase a female character.
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| Identity Theft (10 points) | Purchase a new character.
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| Lad of War (50 points) | Own all of the weapons.
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| M.J Was Here (10 points) | Learn to back-strafe.
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| No Memory Card (100 points) | Beat the game without dying.
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| Out of Bubble Gum (10 points) | Fire more than 10,000 bullets.
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| Pacifist Activist (20 points) | Beat a level without killing an enemy.
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| Pay to Fun (25 points) | Purchase a coin-pack.
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| Population Intensity (50 points) | Own all of the characters.
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| Scrooge McLuck (25 points) | Pick up 10,000 Coins.
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| The Complenionist (100 points) | Collect all stars and skulls in the game.
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| The One Percent (100 points) | Own every item and upgrade them to max.
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| White Magic (10 points) | Heal back to full from 1 HP.
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| You'll Shoot Your Eye Out (10 points) | Purchase a new weapon.
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